“Just give me a minute.” She goes away. It’s cold. The images, when I close my eyes, the experiences, are too rapid now. I have no sense of time. I lose myself in this endless onslaught of experiences. The visions are like lucid dreams. I am inside of them. Moving deeper and deeper into what feels like a vortex, or a wormhole, the images are so rapid they begin to blur, I’m moving through a tunnel—there are an infinite number of tunnels I could be moving through, I move through all of them at once and the “walls” of this tunnel, these tunnels, all tunnels, these vortexes, are images and experiences, symbols, everything that has ever happened, pure understanding, pure experience, and every plunge down every tunnel leads to a singularity, a point of infinite awareness, and I spring back from it, only to plunge again, and this continues at such a rate that I lose track of my body, where I am, what I am and who I am, I become pure consciousness and there is a sense, a knowledge, the most profound understanding that this, this is a place I’ve been before—the place from which I come and the place to which I will return. This is the Absolute.
“Here.” Joy has my sweater. She tries to hand it to me as if I should know what to do with it, but I don’t. I don’t know how to put the sweater on. Whether my eyes are open or closed makes little difference now. I can see her, and the sweater, and I can see my hand attempting to push itself into the sweater, but I am rocketing down into vortex after vortex. Joy’s face is a vortex, her eyes, the sweater, my hand. The answer, the absolute, is in everything, everywhere, all the time, and I am submerged in it. I am made up of it. She helps put the sweater on me and disappears. I close my eyes and go back to the tunnels. She returns with my pills and a glass of water. I take the valium. I can’t feel the water glass, can’t taste the water. Amazing, my body can do these things, like grasp objects, utilize tools, takes pills, all while I am off on these voyages—every time I return I can’t believe that only a second or two has passed.